It's a Wonderful Life
by Amethyst Jackson
Summary: Challenge response -- Trelawny in a bikini, divination using tan lines, and a rather slutty Ginny


Author's Note: A challenge was set by Aileen, one of the four Witch Weekly writers, a few months ago, to the other writers. Today we at Witch Weekly are proud to present you the responses.

The challenge was to start a fic with the following sentence:

"Hermione had never been so certain of the correctness of her decision to quit Divination as she was on the day when Professor Trelawney came down to breakfast clad only in a pink bikini, sarong, and sandals."

Somewhere in the fic, two of the following three sentences had to be inserted as well:

The password had been changed again, of course. And he had forgotten it.

Feeling Weasley's soft curves beneath him, Draco tumbled onto the bed.

No one knew where he came from, and no one was prepared to ask. All Harry knew was that he had to get away, had to run, had to flee. It was the same nightmare, but it had changed this time. It was more real. He eventually found his way to a secluded and shadowy corridor, praying that he'd lost him. But nothing could compare to the gut-wrenching terror when he heard the footsteps behind him.

"Come back to bed, Harry," said Draco. "We were just getting to the good part."

Enjoy!

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It's a Wonderful Life

Hermione had never been so certain of the correctness of her decision to quit Divination as she was on the day when Professor Trelawny came down to breakfast clad only in a pink bikini, sarong, and sandals. She glanced away, seeing horrified expressions on both Harry's and Ron's faces. Trelawny was in serious need of a wax, or at least a shave.

"Students of the great art of Divination!" she cried out. "You must all come to class in bathing suits today! We shall be studying Adustuscoloramancy! It's the art of seeing the fates through tan lines. Be sure to bring sunscreen as well!"

With that, the terrible scene walked out of the Great Hall.

"Eurgh!" Ron exclaimed, "It was bad enough when she made us 'see the fates' with Limburger cheese!"

"Bugger," Harry said with feeling, "I haven't got any swim trunks…"

"Thank God I quit that class," Hermione said with a gloating smile.

"Humph," said Harry and Ron together.

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Meanwhile, Neville was running in fright from the Great Hall. The moment Trelawny had walked by, he had taken off in a wild sprint (which wasn't good for a boy fat as Neville). Now he had made it to the seventh floor and the portrait of the Fat Lady was coming into view. Unfortunately…

The password had been changed again, of course. And he had forgotten it. He looked down at his open palm where he had written it the night before - it had washed off. Feeling hopeless, he leaned against the wall. As he did so…

The wall opened up, revealing a long chute that Neville conveniently fell down. It was a rather rusted and musty, Neville noticed, but very slick and steep.

With a soft _floomph!_ Neville landed on a stone floor in a hall lit by torches positioned strategically on the wall. He was, inevitably, in the dungeons.

This was frightening enough in itself, but became even worse as he heard suspicious noises…noises that sounded an awful lot like…_no, no, that can't be it! No, I don't think anyone would be shagging…here, especially…eurgh…_

Neville was wrong. In Draco Malfoy's bedroom, something awfully strange was going on. 

It had all started when Draco had walked into his room and seen Ginny Weasley. Sitting on his bed. Wearing quite a lot less than she should have been.

With a few strangled noises and several coughs and throat-clearings, Draco had managed to ask what she was doing there.

"Do I need a reason?" she had replied. "This isn't canon – I can do whatever I want, especially with someone as fetching as you."

Draco smiled seductively. "Well, in that case –"

Ginny crossed the room swiftly and threw her arms around Draco's neck, kissing him hard. He had been too startled to react at the moment and allowed Ginny to lead him across the room. Finally, he came to his senses and kissed back. Feeling Weasley's soft curves beneath his fingertips, Draco tumbled onto the bed, pulling Ginny with him….

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"You see this particular bikini line? Yes, it represents social life…"

Harry snorted. This was turning out to be a bigger load of bull that the cheese and the chicken feed put together.

"See this one?" Ron scoffed in falsetto, "It symbolizes all the parts of Trelawny that we really don't want to see."

Several students let out murmurs of agreement.

"If only this class would just _end_…"

"Now," Trelawny announced, "you will read each others! I'll put you into pairs, now."

It was Ron's poor luck to be paired with Lavender Brown. Lavender had developed quite the crush on Ron, and despite all attempts to keep it a secret, the word had spread like wildfire.

Now, Lavender was happily poking at his body, choosing the most ticklish areas to read. Despite his misgivings, Ron was almost enjoying the attention.

"Honestly Ron, how can I read your tan lines if you won't hold still? Do I have to tie you down?" 

It was at that moment that Ron was sorely tempted to test his unread fate and squirm just once more.

********************************************************************************************

No one knew where he came from, and no one was prepared to ask. All Harry knew was that he had to get away, had to run, had to flee. It was the same nightmare, but it had changed this time. It was more real. He eventually found his way to a secluded and shadowy corridor, praying that he'd lost him. But nothing could compare to the gut-wrenching terror when he heard the footsteps behind him. "Come back to bed, Harry," said Draco. "We were just getting to the good part."

Harry swallowed hard. He wasn't ready to give in to the temptation.

"Oh, come _on_! You left right in the middle of –"

"Don't even _finish_ that sentence!" Harry exclaimed, emerging from the shadows.

"You can't just stop in the middle of the climax, you know!"

"No, Malfoy, no. I just can't go through with it."

"How many times to I have to tell you? It's great! It doesn't hurt, Harry, trust me, and nothing bad will happen when it's over."

"How can you be sure of that?"

"_Harry_," Draco stressed, exasperated, "Just finish reading the bloody book. I know you're scared of Captain Hook, but Peter Pan really does win in the end."

Harry looked tentative. "Really?"

"Yes, really. Now, let's go finish your bed time story."

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"Harry!" Hermione exclaimed, seeing a harassed looking version of her friend walk in through the portrait hole. "What…what happened to you? You never came back last night."

"I – it's a long story," he sighed.

"Are you all right? You don't look so good."

Harry pouted. "You don't find me attractive anymore?"

"You know that's not what I meant," Hermione grinned. "I think you're dead sexy."

Hermione moved to the arm of Harry's chair and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. "Now, what the hell happened to you?"

****_Twenty Minutes Later_****

"You-you were with _Malfoy_? Oh, Harry, what did he do to you?"

Harry gulped. "He made me listen to…Peter Pan."

Hermione burst out laughing. "Peter Pan? That's what was so horrible?! Oh my God, Harry, that's pathetic."

Harry scowled. "Hey, this is a fear that dates back to my early childhood! Dudley dressed up as Peter Pan, and one of his friends was Captain Hook, and they chased me around. His friend kept poking me with the hook and Dudley tried to stab me!"

"Oh. Well, then, it must have been horrible…"

********************************************************************************************

"I can't believe this," Ron ranted to Neville. "My own sister! With Malfoy! I swear, I'm going to kill that smarmy bastard…and then Ginny is not going to shag again until the day I die!"

"You know, this isn't canon," Neville pointed out. "If you revert to another fandom universe, you can have a life where this didn't happen."

"Either you've lost your marbles, or you've been working on osmosis with Hermione."

"I'm serious. It's the truth."

And so, our characters were thrust into another fandom dimension. We won't get into that one…*author rolls eyes*

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The Merciful End


End file.
